My Girlfriend is Pregnant. What Should I Do?

Please be aware that Pathway Health Clinic does not provide or refer for abortion services.

So… your girlfriend is pregnant. The news hits you like a ton of bricks. She might be looking to you for comfort, support, or input, but it can be hard to know how to respond, let alone what your next steps should be.

The good news is, you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. Here are a few tips to help you navigate unplanned pregnancy together. Keep reading to learn more.

• Process Your Emotions

Whether you’re feeling excited, scared, or completely overwhelmed, you don’t want to say something you might regret. Let her know you need a moment to process your emotions. 

You don’t need to make any major decisions right now. Take a few moments to breathe, gather your thoughts, and start an honest, calm conversation.

• Be Honest About Your Feelings

It’s important for both of you to be honest about how you feel, so you can make a decision you both agree on. Here are some things to consider…

• What do you want your future to look like?
• Do you feel comfortable with abortion? 
• Would you consider adoption?
• Do you feel ready to be a parent?
• Do you feel financially prepared to support her through pregnancy and raise a child?

Remember that she’s experiencing a wild mix of emotions too. Let her know that you’re there to listen whenever she needs you.

• Understand Your Pregnancy Options

The only way for you two to make an informed decision together is to understand each of your pregnancy options.

• Parenting. Discuss what parenting might look like. If you aren’t sure where to start or what questions to ask, contact Pathway Health Clinic. We can connect you with local resources and parenting classes, so you can feel prepared as you take your next steps. Contact us to get started.
• Adoption. If you both feel that you’re not ready to be parents but aren’t comfortable with abortion, adoption could be right for you. We can refer you to our trusted adoption partners who will educate you on the adoption process and your rights as the birth parents—without any judgment, pressure, or commitment. 
• Abortion. If you’re considering abortion, get all the facts. Understand California abortion law as well as the risks and side effects of the procedure. You should also encourage her to receive an ultrasound to determine how far along she is and whether she’s at risk for a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy (more on that below).

Remember, this decision should be made with mutual respect. Take time to research and discuss each option with honesty and understanding.

• Make Sure She Gets the Care She Needs

Look out for her physical well-being during this time. You can start by encouraging her to receive an ultrasound to determine how far along she is and whether her pregnancy is viable.

What is Gestational Age?

It’s important to know how far along she is (also known as gestational age), as abortion is legal up until viability (approximately 24 weeks of pregnancy) in California.[1]

Additionally, the abortion pill can’t be taken past 10 weeks of pregnancy.[2] 

What is Pregnancy Viability?

A viable pregnancy means that the pregnancy is progressing properly. For example, at about 5 to 6 weeks gestation, the embryo should have a detectable heartbeat.[3] The goal is to rule out a nonviable pregnancy, such as a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy—in either case, abortion isn’t needed, and she can move forward with the appropriate medical care.

Pathway Health Clinic provides free ultrasounds to women who receive positive pregnancy tests at our center. Give us a call at (760) 945-4673 to schedule an appointment today!

*Important note: Please be aware that this article is not meant to substitute for medical advice or treatment. The purpose of our limited ultrasound exams is to identify a pregnancy inside the uterus, detect the fetal heartbeat, and estimate how far along you are. If there is no detectable heartbeat, it may indicate a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy is occurring. If we cannot detect a fetal heartbeat during your appointment, we will provide appropriate referrals for follow-up care and treatment.

• Be There for Her Physically and Emotionally

Whatever decision you two make, your girlfriend will need physical and emotional support. For example…

• If you choose to continue the pregnancy, attend doctor’s appointments together, help out with household chores, and be there when she needs to talk.
• If you choose adoption, educate yourself on your rights as the birth parents, so you can advocate for her. Remind her that she is in charge of the adoption plan and that her feelings matter most. 
• If you choose abortion, be available to comfort her and talk—before, during, and after the procedure. Check in on her regularly and watch out for severe abortion side effects, such as fever, hemorrhaging, or infection. Make sure she has asked an abortion provider who will provide her follow-up care in the event of side effects.

By standing by her side, you show her that you’re someone she can depend on, no matter what.

• Take Care of Yourself Too

You can’t pour from an empty cup. While your girlfriend should be your focus, it’s also important to take care of yourself. It’s the key to being a strong, dependable partner, especially during stressful times.

It’s crucial to surround yourself with a supportive community that will help you feel more prepared. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, talk to someone you trust and respect. They may be able to provide the practical advice, insight, and encouragement you need to make grounded decisions. 

Your Girlfriend is Pregnant? We’re Here to Help.

If you don’t have anyone in your life that you feel comfortable talking to, you’re not alone. Consider visiting Pathway Health Clinic! We provide free resources and support for men facing unplanned pregnancies. Our advocates and mentors are here to equip you to be the best partner you can be and make an informed decision together. 

Give us a call at (760) 945-4673 or schedule an appointment online. All services are confidential and free of charge!

Sources

1. Executive Department, State of California. (2019, May 31). Proclamation on Reproductive Freedom. https://www.gov.ca.gov/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Proclamation-on-Reproductive-Freedom.pdf  
2. Center for Drug Evaluation and Research. (2023, March 23). Mifeprex (Mifepristone). U.S. Food and Drug Administration. https://www.fda.gov/drugs/postmarket-drug-safety-information-patients-and-providers/mifeprex-mifepristone-information
3. Fetal Development. Cleveland Clinic. (2023, March 3). https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/7247-fetal-development-stages-of-growth